Live From War IX: There’s Nothing Special or New Here

Today is Monday.  I wake up. Walk to the shower.  Wash my head with a loofa and body wash because I haven’t had hair for a few months.  Its too hot, to long of a walk to the barber, to much of a waste of money that I can be saving. Why do I need hair here? Who is there to impress?  

I shave, nicking my chin.  Brush my teeth. Get dressed.  Tie my boots on. Put on my shades and boonie hat.  Sling my M4 carbine across my back.  I walk to work.  I read the news, do a little work.  Have a meeting.  Wait till I’m starving to go to lunch because I don’t want to walk outside when it is 110 degrees.  Back to work.  Work for a while. Go to another meeting, this one I hate.  I’ll go back to work, talk for a while. Then go back to my room.  I used to eat dinner, but not anymore.  I’m not hungry.  I ate too late because of the heat.  And what’s the point?  I could eat. But eventually I’ll be hungry again.  I’m only delaying the inevitable. When meals serve as one of the few milestones of your days, they become less of a necessity and more of an annoying routine. I’m back in my room.  I read the news.  Maybe talk to my wife. Maybe we fight.  I stay up late. Why sleep? I’ll just have to get up.  I’ll be tired again.  Again, delaying the inevitable.

Tomorrow will be Tuesday.  It will be no different.  I will do all of these things again. I will wake up, shower, and go to work.  I won’t eat breakfast, because I stayed up late and didn’t want to get up.  I never eat breakfast.  I’ll go to the same meetings.  I’ll brief the same things.  If I have nothing to brief, I’ll think of something.  The most insignificant thing that is going on in my work.  I will exaggerate it and make it sound important, just so I don’t have to say "no issues" when it comes to my part of the brief.  My bosses don’t like to hear "no issues".   I’ll eat lunch because I haven’t eaten since lunch the day before.  I won’t eat much, because KBR doesn’t make good food. They will probably be serving something I just had a couple days ago. I may get a cheeseburger from the short order line.  I’ll eat it and feel bad because I haven’t gone to the gym in weeks.  I’ll go back to work.  I’ll go back to my room.  Everything is the same.

I’ll repeat all of these things.  I’ll repeat them everyday until Friday.  On Friday, I get off of work and go home and wait until Saturday.  On Saturday, I repeat everything again.  There is nothing significant about Saturday.  It is the same as every other day.  Sunday is the same as Saturday.  On Monday, I repeat the previous week over again.  I have done this continuously for four months.  I’ll do it continuously for another eleven.  The same day is frozen in time.  Everyday is a rerun. Time never moves. The seasons do not change.  Maybe when it gets closer to the end, I will be able to see the clock hands moving, the days fall off the calendar.

Our time stands still, but life goes on where you are.  Children get older.  My daughter was a week old when I left.  She is almost four and a half months now.  Our children learn things. They develop mentally and socially.  They learn what life is like without Daddy.  The lucky ones at least remember what life was like with him.  Wives live their lives.  They go to work.  Some go to the FRG meetings.  They are supposed to be a support group.  Really, its just a rumor mill.  Wife goes to meeting, hears a thousand rumors.  Next time Joe calls, he doesn’t talk about what’s on his mind.  He spends whatever time he has dispelling the rumors his wife heard at the FRG meeting.  This will repeat next week.  Some of the wives continue their love lives with their spouse gone.  Joe doesn’t think about this.  Sometimes he knows its true.  You can see it in his eyes.  He won’t talk about it.

Everyone we know continues to live.  You’ll have your elections.  Play your sports; your World Series and your Super Bowl.  We’ll do our best to keep up. But, really, it will just be yesterday or last week or last month with a Super Bowl. It won’t be its own day.  It won’t be special.